Don’t let an unhappy co-worker ruin your holiday office party

There's always that one person who brings down the holiday office party. Dr. Mark Goulston wants to give that Grinch a second chance for redemption.

By Mark Goulston, M.D.

November 20, 2018

This is a photo of Mark Goulston, M.D. — Mark Goulston, M.D.

Do you have any co-workers that ruin everyone’s time and you can’t un-invite them to the holiday party? Do you feel guilty at wishing they’ll either have other plans or be too sick to come? Do you wish there was a way to paper train them so they don’t mess on everyone else’s good time?

Here is how using a little applied emotional intelligence can save the day. One thing most of these high-maintenance people have in common is that they feel as if the world is not treating them well enough. In essence, they don’t feel important or special enough in the world. It’s usually because their disagreeable personality has gotten in the way of success which they are bitter about.

This is where thinking ahead and using the “i” — as in important — word can do wonders.

Have your party organizer email these problem people five to seven days ahead of time with: “I’m emailing to ask you a favor because you’re a very important part of our holiday gathering (i.e. “because we haven’t figured out how to keep you from coming or shut you up”). Since you are such a consistent and important guest I was hoping you might be able to greet people when they come in and help pull them out of their shell by asking them how they and their family are doing and about anything new that’s been going on with them.”

Having the office Grinch do something so forward-thinking and so gracious is not only quite flattering, it is disarming. The problem person is going to have trouble responding with his/her real modus operandi, i.e. “No thanks. I was planning on coming and ruining everyone’s time like I do every year.”

Then when the holiday party occurs this same Grinch should greet that person at the door, touch them on the arm and say: “I hope I can count on you to help make people feel comfortable after they arrive.” Then add before they can respond, “Oh, excuse me. I have to go take care of some things.”

This may not stop a dyed in the wool jerk from spoiling the party, but it may serve as a deterrent.

In the meantime, Happy Holidays and a Happy New Year… and next year, send the Grinch on a little holiday vacation instead of giving them an invite.

Join the Conversation: How have you dealt with a difficult person during the holidays? Tell us your story on our Facebook page.

Dr. Mark Goulston is an award-winning business psychiatrist, a consultant for Fortune 500 companies and the best-selling author of seven books. His latest book, Talking to Crazy: How to Deal with Irrational and Irresponsible People in your Life can be found on Amazon. Catch up on Dr. Goulston’s previous articles here.

Connect with Dr. Goulston through Facebook, Twitter, or LinkedIn. His books are available on Amazon. Check out his videos on YouTube or take advantage of free resources available at www.markgoulston.com.

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Dana Beth Ardi, PhD, Executive Committee, is a thought leader and expert in the fields of executive search, talent management, organizational design, assessment, leadership and coaching. As an innovator in the human capital movement, Ardi creates enhanced value in companies by matching the most sought after talent with the best opportunities. Ardi coaches boards and investors on the art and science of building high caliber management teams. She provides them with the necessary skills to seek out and attract top-level management, to design the ideal organizational architectures and to deploy people against strategy. Ardi unearths the way a business works and the most effective way for people to work in them.

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Ardi is an expert on the multi-generational workforce. She understands the four intersecting generations of workers coming together in contemporary companies, each with their own mindsets, leadership and communications styles, values and motivations. Ardi is sought after to assist companies manage and thrive by bringing the generations together. Her book, Fall of the Alphas: How Beta Leaders Win Through Connection, Collaboration and Influence, will be published by St. Martin’s Press. The book reflects Ardi’s deep expertise in understanding organizations and our changing society. It focuses on building a winning culture, how companies must grow and evolve, and how talent influences and shapes communities of work. This is what she has coined “Corporate Anthropology.” It is a playbook on how modern companies must meet challenges – culturally, globally, digitally, across genders and generations.

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Ardi holds a BS from the State University of New York at Buffalo as well as a Masters degree and PhD from Boston College. She started her career as professor at the Graduate Center at Fordham University in New York.